bee's bite and butterfly :)

hello readers! guess who got persecuted by her own conscience? yep, me :3

anyway, I'm here, after like....2 months.... //productive smile//.

*you know you are broken if you are proud of your unproductivity. nice. brokenness confirmed. kewl af*

lately I have been really caught up with school works and basically with life. well, these past few weeks were tough and it felt like 20 decades had past already. those weeks were just straight out experience from hell. restless and an agonizing pain it caused my back. I can't even remember how many times I cracked my bones, head to toe. I think the only bones I haven't cracked yet are the bones in my ears. TMI. that's it. that's the only reason that I could think of for ghosting yall for two months.

and in those two months.... there are two things that saved me from that hell hole; if by jess josie lee and my peach hand cream // violent sobs //.

for more melancholic part of life, it is already our midterm week this week... till the first week of November. I guess? I am not really sure. by this time, I just really comply to requirements and finish all the things that needs to be done. my sense of time and day are completely lost. idk about yall but the student in me died last march 2020.

going back, it's our midterm week and guess who decided to show up here? of course non other than your virtual ghost bestie. purrr. I will do everything to dodge school works bro. EVERY POSSIBLE WAY I KNOW. let me walk you through my work ethics (self-destructive schedule closeted with the word ethics <333

• stressing about pending works

• going to sleep thinking that I can do it later some time at night

• pulling an all-nighter just to sleep at 5 am, to take a break and setting my alarm at 7 am to cOnTinUe my work, which of course never happens. // I will wake up at 2 pm for sure //

and that ladies & gentleman how I finish-unfinish a work. wOrk etHics, when? oh, I forgot to put palpitation on that bullet. most of the times I palpitate not because of coffee but because of anger. lol hehe. funny haha. on a serious note, my relationship with iced coffee lately is obsessive-- to the point that I bought a coffee scented candle. just the scent of coffee alone can put me to an instant neutral mood. perfect mood not to cause chaos but somehow keeps me connected to reality. akkKKkk yusss caffeine give us nothing!!!

based on my experience, I feel more awake drinking coffee past 10 am, empty stomach and complaining. yeah, my daily affirmation is to complain about anything and everything. anyway, as I have said I feel more energetic after consuming my 10:30 am coffee and idk why either. it is working for me so I am suggesting for you to try it as well. but just know that I shall not be held responsible if the acid level in your stomach rise, mmmkay?

on a serious note. wait, I feel like I have been saying "on a serious note" since I started talking to you guys but it was always followed by unnecessary messages, like this.

---

on a MORE serious note, I feel like I am getting better at managing my time. I mean, forget about my work ethics that I just exposed earlier. It's just that I get to have a full grasp at my own schedule and since I am working by myself, I don't have to tweak and adjust with other people's timeline, but of course, to my own dead lines.

It's a breath of fresh air to do everything at your own pace while simultaneously doing what you love aside from academic works. I am getting sentimental and for what?---

since I am getting a little bit emo here, maybe it's time for me to bid my farewell. thanks again for dropping by on this site.... um idk exactly why you dropped by here but thank you for sparing me some of your time.

// I know this is an abrupt ending but I want you to feel what did march 2020 made me feel. we suffer altogether here mmmkay? //

love,

zy